From grief to hope: How one mother is changing men’s mental health in Warminster

The founder of a support group in Warminster hopes to transform the conversation around men’s mental health in a bid to potentially save lives. 

Zanne Marchmont founded We Are Men (WAM) in memory of her son, Wayne, who died by suicide in January 2021.  A keen footballer, he could be a ‘bit of a daredevil’, loved to ride his motorbike and had taken part in a charity skydive.

Zanne said, “When we lost Wayne, it was a complete shock there had been no obvious signs of him suffering. His death came out of the blue for everyone.

“A lot of Wayne’s friends and football colleagues were affected by his death. It was some of these telling me that guys felt they had nowhere to talk, that triggered the idea of WAM.  Setting up WAM was scary, but it was something I wanted and needed to do. It was my way of using a terrible situation to do something good.

“WAM has evolved since we first opened the doors in July 2023. It is first and foremost a friendship group, a place where men can feel comfortable to discuss whatever they like – whether that be the issues they are facing, their feelings, football or family life and feel supported and understood. It also allows them to access meetings locally, rather than having to travel to groups further afield.”

It’s completely free to attend meetings which are held at the Warminster Football Club on Mondays between 7pm and 9pm.

“For anyone who is worried that the guys sit around pouring their hearts out and we have a group therapy session, nothing could be further from the truth,” added Zanne. “Each individual participates as much or as little as they want. We usually have a check in and if anyone has an issue that they want to discuss, they can. We have so many different people in the room with years of experience in so many fields, information and help is freely given.

Forget their troubles

“Life can be hard, and many men feel the pressures of everyday life, so these meetings give them a couple hours to lighten the load, forget their troubles for a while, meet like-minded people and have a good time.    

“I’m proud of the way these guys have come together. If you put these men in a pub or a sports facility, they might not naturally run in the same circles or be at the same table. But under the guise of WAM, at the football club, they realise how much they can support each other even if their lives are really different.

“The men get the chance to say things which they might not want to say in front of their loved ones, because they don’t want to upset them. Some talk about their jobs, their money, their families.   

Everyone is different and there is no judgement, we all support each other and everything discussed in the meeting is confidential, everyone agrees that what goes on at WAM stays in WAM! “Importantly we laugh, a lot. We all leave the meeting feeling brighter and it’s a very good way to face the coming week.”

One of the outcomes of these meetings is that some of the attendees also support each other outside of the Monday meeting. When one member went into hospital with heart problems, men he had met through WAM visited him in hospital. Others have helped a fellow member tame his garden, which had become rather unruly.

Zanne hopes to grow WAM as time goes on. “If attendees from other towns come along and there is demand for further groups, I’d be very happy to develop this type of group in other locations,” she said.

Recently, she was awarded a grant from Warminster Town Council for the creation of a website, marketing and advertising.  This will help spread the word and get the attention of more men.

“The group relies on the generosity of others and sponsors,” added Zanne. “Warminster Town Football Club have been very kind giving us such a great space to meet and it would be great if one of the local supermarkets would be willing to assist by donating some of our refreshments.  Tea and coffee is appreciated by the guys, but it needs to be accompanied by at least one biscuit!”

Wider conversations

Zanne also hopes to spur wider conversations about men’s mental health and ensure that the legacy in Wayne’s name is a positive one. WAM doesn’t just stand for We Are Men; it’s also her son’s initials.

Zanne adds, “There is a huge societal pressure on men and it is taking its toll. Suicide is the number one killer for men aged between 18 and 45, but still it is only talked about in hushed tones. Most people know someone touched by cancer; however, there has been so much money invested in finding out more and developing new treatments that it is no longer a death sentence, many people are now living good lives with cancer. The same needs to be done for mental health for men and women. If a fraction of the money spent on health issues was spent on support and treatment for mental health it would make a real difference.

“If WAM helps to save an individual from feeling so alone or on the edge or one family from going through what we have, that would be fantastic. I want everyone to know we are here and ready to help anyone who wants a bit of support.”

To find out about WAM, visit https://www.facebook.com/WAMWeAreMen/ or email: WAM202231@outlook.com